Here We Go.

This week is going to be packed full.  This past week we had designated time set for spending in solitude, and over the past few weeks I’ve been working to chisel out that time for me to simply be, and to listen to God.  It’s not easy.  As a group of interns, we gathered and then split off for a few hours to spend in solitude.  To pray.  But mostly to listen.  I often feel like my prayer life looks like me dumping a bunch of cares and requests at God’s feet, yapping away, then turning for just long enough to say, “Well, see ya!” until next time I need to just throw something at him to take care of because I don’t care about it.

We pray. But it isn’t a conversation.

It’s a monopoly.

When was the last time I practiced solitude or silence?

It took the better part of three hours for me to clear my head enough to actually just begin to start listening.  There were songs, quotes, parts of books and things people had said, items on my to-do list I needed to be checking off – all swimming through my head.  Three hours.  And I only really began to listen.  It wasn’t because I didn’t try to listen the whole time.  I did.  It’s just that we are constantly under a barrage of noise – audible or inaudible.  It takes considerable time to find true quiet.  And when you do take that time in life, people think something’s wrong with you for wanting to be alone.  Forget what they think.  Be still.

This coming Friday, I will be speaking at Paradox again, and I’ll be teaching out of Matthew 13 again – verse 44.  I’m extremely excited (and yes, that’s the appropriate emotion) to be diving into God’s Word there this week, over and over and over again.  This passage is rich (pun intended).  As with before, I will be posting the manuscript post-delivery.  And I hope that this time I can accompany it with an audio recording.  I had recorded the last one, but something happened to the microphone as I was speaking that would cause a loud and irritating POP! and crackle. Like the cereal.

I really want to write more about what I’ll be speaking about, because I’m excited, but it would divert the energy I need to write it out for the actual preparation.  Sometimes to express what is being felt so deeply in your heart is not a good thing.  It is to be felt, not expressed.  Right now is the time I need to be feeling this.  To allow it to fill my heart till it’s spilling all over.  To express it right now would be like putting a small hole in the bottom of a cup I want to be filled.

On another note, I am still working on the contact cards – I’ve been waiting for an email with a Photoshop file so that I can finish and print off the one I’ve completed, and begin designing the next two.  My hope is to have them printed off for Friday.  That would be ideal, though I don’t know if I’ll have the time.  God, make me efficient in my work this week!

On still another note, it’s been good to spend time with and connect with some of the people here who aren’t interns.  With so many interns, it can be difficult to feel the need to branch out and spend time with – yes – people from Bend.  And so it is a conscious effort to take as many opportunities as possible to connect with them, and not necessarily interns.  Ministry is present between interns as well – spending time with one another, gaining trust and encouraging each other, eating lunch and talking and grabbing coffee and hearing the prayer requests and cares of each other is all part of ministry.  And it’s something I enjoy.  But I want to be intentional about reaching out.

In fact, this past week we had a scheduled day to spend with our leaders and other interns while hiking or kayaking, etc.  I chose hiking with Kevin.  He was our leader.  We had a great time – just a bunch of guys on a hike, wandering through the woods.  One of the fondest memories I have of my dad is walking (it felt to me like hiking through a jungle) to some train tracks by our house we lived in up until I was five or so.  Those memories are so free of care or concern or stress.  I needed that this past week.  Still, I would like to spend more time alone with God, even apart from a few people.  Up until this point in my life I haven’t spent significant amounts of time alone with God.  I want more than a daily devo.  I want more than a few minutes here or there in the Word.  I feel like I want to be alone for hours and hours with him.  But I don’t know for sure, because I haven’t had the opportunity to experience that.  Please pray that I will make that time.  It won’t happen on its own.  It just won’t.  Our lives prove that.

Anyway, here’s some pictures of the hike to Paulina Peak.

The beautiful mountains that can be seen from anywhere in Bend, but especially atop Paulina Peak.

Amazing people to share this experience with. From left to right: Jerell Carper, Paul Crouse, Will Kellar, and Isaac Hawkins.

I hope that you can worship with this photo as much as I could taking it.

There's something about feeling the power and pressure of thousands of gallons of water rushing off the edge of a cliff onto your back that makes you feel very small indeed.

A volcano that erupted and let loose a flow of rock called obsidian. It's black as a raven and sharp as glass. It even sounds like shattered glass when you step on it.

Spending time just absorbing the enormous landscape. There were huge snow-capped mountains to the front, two lakes green with algae and blue in depth against a forest of pine and juniper, and a huge lava flow to our right. Again, there's something about nature that can make you feel small. I think it's when we spend our lives indoors and looking down at all the things smaller than us that we begin to cultivate a very secret, almost invisible pride that doesn't allow us to see how small we really are.

More waterfalls. Isn't it beautiful?

LOVE WINS.

Ben, the youth pastor I work with here in Chicago, just gave the youth group his last official lesson with them.  It was a really sad night.  It’s been so hard for the students.  And that means a lot.  Ben has been an incredible example of what it means to develop deep, rich relationships with the people God has placed in his life, to be an instrument used by God to change the ‘religious stereotype’.  He loves all of the students, and they adore him.

We were reading from 1 Corinthians 13 and from there, Ben encouraged us – pleaded with us – to love God and love people.  I can be trained and skilled in communication, I can prepare the best lesson plans and the best messages and teach from the passages that people love to hear, I can have the best musicians and songs picked for worship, and I can have the best youth room and resources and everything at my fingertips; but let me make this clear: it means nothing if you haven’t shown them you love them.  The students listen to Ben not because he is an excellent communicator; he is an excellent communicator because he has built an unbelievable foundation of love in each relationship in the youth group.

I wish you could meet him.  You would know what I mean.

I’m going to carry what he has taught in his life for the rest of mine.  To love people – wherever they are, whoever they are – is the heart of God, because that’s how he loved us.  This is my heart in ministry.  This is my heart in Oregon.  I am going out to meet people where they are, just as they are, and I want to love them in every way possible, because love wins.  There is no more powerful force in the world.

Ben’s legacy in the lives of his students has been effective, lasting, powerful, meaningful, transforming, healing, and filled with hope because his entire ministry, his life, his call was grounded in love.  Love wins. Love wins. Love wins.

SUMMER, BOOKS, AND A BABY!

Today is Monday – first day that I feel like I should be in classes, but am not.  Sort of.

I arrived at the apartment of a friend, Nick Gerig, who is housing me until I leave for Oregon, which is really generous of him.  Today, I’m off to get some contact solution after I realized that the bottle I had wasn’t filled with solution at all, but water.  I had used an old contact solution bottle to fill my iron at school, and forgot that it was water.  My eyes weren’t so happy to discover this.  Also, heading out to Walgreens to get some food for the next two weeks.

The apartment is a good five miles from downtown (keep in mind I have no means of travel) so it gives me time and space to work ahead.  I have books that need to be read for RA training in the fall, books that need to be read for my Youth Ministry Major, lesson plans, Bible studies, exegesis that needs to be done.  Hopefully I can get some of it done a little ahead of time.  That would be great.  That’s why I say “sort of.”

Last night was youth group at Winnetka Bible Church.  It’s sad thinking about how some of the students are seniors and won’t be coming back in the fall.  Next Sunday night is my last night until fall that I’ll be with them.  I’m praying for them and trusting that God will be with them as they transition out of high school into college, wherever that may be.  I hope they keep in touch.  I want to be intentional about keeping in touch with them.

On another note, a huge congratulations to the youth pastor and his wife, Ben & Audi – they just had their first baby!  His name is Atticus Cai Willey, born May 15 at 9:12AM.  Got to see him yesterday; he’s a stud.  Congrats to the new mom and dad!

Congrats to you, Ben and Audi!  Here’s the story: www.addenduming.blogspot.com

In closing, please continue to pray for this internship – I’m really excited, but I also know that with every change of pace, environment, group of people comes a new set of challenges.  Pray that I’m faithful to learning, that I am constantly – almost involuntarily – thinking what is Jesus teaching me here and now? I’m going to take the train down to the library later to print & send more support letters.  The train costs so much now without the U-Pass!  Need to keep my travels to a bare minimum while I’m here, or find a bicycle that I can borrow.  With that, have a wonderful day!