South Sister Summit.

Jerell Carper - Pastoral Intern. Working with High School Youth Group.

Paul Crouse - Discipleship Intern. Working creating art for Antioch.

The horizon vs. the climb gradient. It was steep, especially on that last 1500 ft. to the summit.

If you look closely, those tiny white dots over on the left side of the ridge, are actually people. The upper rim of South Sister is big.

Me, climbing to the summit.

Broken Top Mountain from the summit of South Sister. Broken Top was (is?) a volcano.

Hydrating.

With a view like this, how could you NOT worship? I can't begin to imagine the sheer scope and beauty of heaven.

Really big lakes look really small from way up here.

Matt Albacete - Graphics Intern. Working on computer graphics and media for Antioch.

The interns at the top of South Sister.

Share. Pray. Meditate.

Today we enjoyed a hike up Tumolo. There were three different movements we went through as three different lessons. They were John 17′s prayer of Jesus to his Father just before he’s arrested in Gethsemane. It’s called the High Priestly Prayer. It’s beautiful. And it’s so rich. I really enjoyed reading through it and studying it and sharing it with the others who came with me. The day looked like meeting and talking through a part of Jesus’ prayer, and then hiking and solitude and reading. This allows for us to hear God’s word and have space and time to think through it and listen to God.

Well, I’ve been trying to copy and paste the outline into here as text, but WordPress isn’t letting me because of the outline formatting involved in making a Word document outline. So here’s a screen-print image:

There’s amazing depth here in the prayer Jesus prays to his Father. It is as if we listen in on a divine conversation. We hear the heart of Jesus. We see what he cares about, what he asks for and prays for. And from it, we can gather so much. There is more that I said today that fills in between “points” that I wish I had the time to write out. But ask me about it sometime, and I’d be more than happy to share it with you. It’s far easier to explain vocally than to write it all out – I belabor the writing process searching for the perfect word to embody what I am attempting to communicate. So it would take some time.

As of tonight, we officially have two days left in Bend.

Wow.

I don’t know what to do with that. It’s gone by so quickly. I stared for a while tonight at the stars, realizing that before coming to Bend, I hadn’t seen the Big Dipper in some time, and it’s likely I won’t be seeing many stars in Chicago. There’s far too much light pollution to see them. And there are no snow-capped mountains to see or fresh earth and pine to smell. I’ll miss it.

I am excited to return to Chicago, though. I love Chicago this time of year – it’s my favorite time of year there. It helps that my sister and brother-in-law will be in Chicago this year as well. I’m going to love spending time with them. And I’m very, very excited for this year on a new dorm floor as an RA (Resident Assistant) – there’s so much I’m looking forward to and there’s so much I’m nervous about. Things I’m anxious for in both positive and negative ways. Returning to things I miss about college life and things I loved leaving behind.

I’m thinking back over this summer and I’m thinking through what I’ve learned. And there’s so much. I don’t quite know how they’ll manifest themselves this coming year in my life and how they’ll continue to shape the way my life plays out, but I’m glad for them. God teaches in strange ways. God teaches in unexpected ways. And he teaches unexpected lessons. Again, I wish I could write it all out. If you’d like, you can check out my personal blog here, where I’ve written some of my personal thoughts and things that I’ve been learning or thinking about:

http://museandmystery.wordpress.com

I’ll be posting pictures soon of our recent hiking. We climbed the 3rd highest mountain in Oregon – South Sister, at 10,400 FT. It was a spiritual experience. If you’ve never climbed a mountain, I’d encourage you to plan it. We saw people of all ages up there, summitting the mountain and looking out at the majestic creation. Unlike anything else, nature has a way of making us feel small. And rightly so. Sometimes it takes climbing a ten thousand foot mountain to put me back in perspective, to remind me that my world is not the whole world, to convince me that my God is bigger than me.

He is majestic. And he is glorious.

I’ll be posting my next two lessons (tomorrow and Monday) very soon. I’m so excited about this message in Luke. Completely humbling and frankly, hurtful. It hurts to see radiant love for Jesus when it isn’t our own. It is worth celebrating, it is joyous and beautiful and lovely, but it should evoke a sense of ache in us as well. I hope you’ll love this next message.

Again, I’ll be posting more pictures soon. For now, you can watch a video one of the interns put together to promote the Antioch Internship Experience. This video doesn’t capture the essence of the internship, mostly the events. There will be another video posted with interviews (of which I am a part) on what we think of the internship and what it looks like from our perspectives.

Antioch Internship Promo Video: http://vimeo.com/13921795

August 2

This past weekend, we had our church-wide Family Camp: time for the church family of Antioch to meet up at Camp Tadmor and spend time with each other. I had the time of my life getting demolished in volleyball by a couple far more intimidating former volleyball players (they had to have played volleyball back in their college days, or something). Anyway, helped with skits and setup with the theme of the weekend: Superheroes.

Saturday night, I headed back home early because for yesterday morning’s service, I played special music – a song I wrote while here in Bend. It went well. As soon as I get the link for the video, I’ll post it for you. Most people weren’t there, as they were at Family Camp still, which should take a bit of the pressure off, but I still managed to forget a word. Oh well.

Matt, my mentor and ministry focus leader this summer, delivered a great message this Sunday about wisdom. Again, I’ll post a link to the message as soon as I get it. He spoke of the secular/sacred divide and how to find wisdom, truth, and discernment. It was delivered in a very different way than I expected, and I enjoyed it.

This Friday, I speak at Paradox again, and then Saturday I lead some interns out on a hike to practice solitude and to pray and to meditate on specific truths and questions about God. I hope that it will be rich with beauty and rest and satisfaction. I’m excited about it.

I’ll be posting a few posts this week. It’s our last week here! It’s gone by so fast already, and I feel there’s so much still to do and to prepare for this fall. Overall, in all areas, I’m excited for what God’s done and what he’s going to do in the future. Stay posted!

My Heart.

I am only two weeks away from completing my internship. It’s funny, because many times in life, we don’t realize what our season is teaching us until we’re looking back on it. God’s been good, and I think I’m beginning to see already how this internship has changed and shaped me.

One would think that during the course of a ministry internship, you’d learn to give of yourself. To sacrifice yourself on behalf of those around you. To serve those you are in ministry with.

I think this internship has taught me differently.

I have, indeed, been learning to give myself; but to God, not people. I’ve been learning to sacrifice, but to sacrifice social interaction for solitude. I’ve been learning to serve, but to serve God with my whole heart.

This internship has been very much about stopping, and stepping back.

I am an extremely relational person. And I’m prone to make idols of relationships. I’m prone to set them on pedestals and worship them with uncontested amounts of time. Time is how I show affection. It’s a very big way that I show love to those I care about. But I’ve marginalized God.

I know that he’s with me wherever I go. I know that I can communicate and talk to him wherever I am, under any circumstances whatsoever. But I’ve lost the art of being alone with him. It’s a scary thing to be left alone with God, once you really understand what that means.

There’s a book that some of the other interns went through in their Solitude Internship. It’s called Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen. Ironic, isn’t it? A book on solitude with a title like that. The interesting thing is, Nouwen argues that we can never really invest as fully or completely or richly in creating and participating in community until we’ve processed through identity. And identity discovery can be a lonely journey, because no one can walk it for you. We are best known by God. And so if we are to seek identity, where else would we look?

This fall, I will be a Resident Assistant (RA) of the 18th floor of Culbertson Hall at Moody. I will be expected to pour myself into the lives of each of the guys on my floor – praying for them and growing relationships, being vulnerable and available, establishing community and camaraderie, and creating space and environment and atmosphere in which these guys can wrestle with God and learn from each other. But it is wise to understand that I cannot offer them any part of myself that I have not allowed God to teach. And I can only do that if I am committed to spending time alone with him, in solitude and silence, in prayer and aloneness.

I am deeply, deeply grateful to each and every one of you who have been praying and supporting me faithfully in prayer and for providing generously in your finances to make this internship opportunity, this life-changing experience possible. You have been participants in what God is teaching me here. You have left an eternal legacy. You have made your mark on my life that will show forever.

Soon, I will be completing my big project for the summer, and it will be a retreat/hike in practicing solitude and silence, and exploring what it means to be alone with God, even with people around. Interesting thing is, you don’t have to be alone to practice solitude. Anyway, I am excited about it, because it is something that God’s been teaching me, and I think that’s the best way to teach – out of what God is teaching you.

Stay tuned and check back for another update really soon!  More to come on solitude, the Justice Conference, climbing Mt. Thielsen, and more message preparation!

Here We Go.

This week is going to be packed full.  This past week we had designated time set for spending in solitude, and over the past few weeks I’ve been working to chisel out that time for me to simply be, and to listen to God.  It’s not easy.  As a group of interns, we gathered and then split off for a few hours to spend in solitude.  To pray.  But mostly to listen.  I often feel like my prayer life looks like me dumping a bunch of cares and requests at God’s feet, yapping away, then turning for just long enough to say, “Well, see ya!” until next time I need to just throw something at him to take care of because I don’t care about it.

We pray. But it isn’t a conversation.

It’s a monopoly.

When was the last time I practiced solitude or silence?

It took the better part of three hours for me to clear my head enough to actually just begin to start listening.  There were songs, quotes, parts of books and things people had said, items on my to-do list I needed to be checking off – all swimming through my head.  Three hours.  And I only really began to listen.  It wasn’t because I didn’t try to listen the whole time.  I did.  It’s just that we are constantly under a barrage of noise – audible or inaudible.  It takes considerable time to find true quiet.  And when you do take that time in life, people think something’s wrong with you for wanting to be alone.  Forget what they think.  Be still.

This coming Friday, I will be speaking at Paradox again, and I’ll be teaching out of Matthew 13 again – verse 44.  I’m extremely excited (and yes, that’s the appropriate emotion) to be diving into God’s Word there this week, over and over and over again.  This passage is rich (pun intended).  As with before, I will be posting the manuscript post-delivery.  And I hope that this time I can accompany it with an audio recording.  I had recorded the last one, but something happened to the microphone as I was speaking that would cause a loud and irritating POP! and crackle. Like the cereal.

I really want to write more about what I’ll be speaking about, because I’m excited, but it would divert the energy I need to write it out for the actual preparation.  Sometimes to express what is being felt so deeply in your heart is not a good thing.  It is to be felt, not expressed.  Right now is the time I need to be feeling this.  To allow it to fill my heart till it’s spilling all over.  To express it right now would be like putting a small hole in the bottom of a cup I want to be filled.

On another note, I am still working on the contact cards – I’ve been waiting for an email with a Photoshop file so that I can finish and print off the one I’ve completed, and begin designing the next two.  My hope is to have them printed off for Friday.  That would be ideal, though I don’t know if I’ll have the time.  God, make me efficient in my work this week!

On still another note, it’s been good to spend time with and connect with some of the people here who aren’t interns.  With so many interns, it can be difficult to feel the need to branch out and spend time with – yes – people from Bend.  And so it is a conscious effort to take as many opportunities as possible to connect with them, and not necessarily interns.  Ministry is present between interns as well – spending time with one another, gaining trust and encouraging each other, eating lunch and talking and grabbing coffee and hearing the prayer requests and cares of each other is all part of ministry.  And it’s something I enjoy.  But I want to be intentional about reaching out.

In fact, this past week we had a scheduled day to spend with our leaders and other interns while hiking or kayaking, etc.  I chose hiking with Kevin.  He was our leader.  We had a great time – just a bunch of guys on a hike, wandering through the woods.  One of the fondest memories I have of my dad is walking (it felt to me like hiking through a jungle) to some train tracks by our house we lived in up until I was five or so.  Those memories are so free of care or concern or stress.  I needed that this past week.  Still, I would like to spend more time alone with God, even apart from a few people.  Up until this point in my life I haven’t spent significant amounts of time alone with God.  I want more than a daily devo.  I want more than a few minutes here or there in the Word.  I feel like I want to be alone for hours and hours with him.  But I don’t know for sure, because I haven’t had the opportunity to experience that.  Please pray that I will make that time.  It won’t happen on its own.  It just won’t.  Our lives prove that.

Anyway, here’s some pictures of the hike to Paulina Peak.

The beautiful mountains that can be seen from anywhere in Bend, but especially atop Paulina Peak.

Amazing people to share this experience with. From left to right: Jerell Carper, Paul Crouse, Will Kellar, and Isaac Hawkins.

I hope that you can worship with this photo as much as I could taking it.

There's something about feeling the power and pressure of thousands of gallons of water rushing off the edge of a cliff onto your back that makes you feel very small indeed.

A volcano that erupted and let loose a flow of rock called obsidian. It's black as a raven and sharp as glass. It even sounds like shattered glass when you step on it.

Spending time just absorbing the enormous landscape. There were huge snow-capped mountains to the front, two lakes green with algae and blue in depth against a forest of pine and juniper, and a huge lava flow to our right. Again, there's something about nature that can make you feel small. I think it's when we spend our lives indoors and looking down at all the things smaller than us that we begin to cultivate a very secret, almost invisible pride that doesn't allow us to see how small we really are.

More waterfalls. Isn't it beautiful?

July 4th – In Defense of Micah.

This is the message that Ken Wytsma (lead pastor at Antioch) delivered on the Fourth of July here in Bend, OR.  It is well worth the time it will take you to watch it.  Fifty minutes of your time, that’s what you’re in for.  Ken helps explain the nature of human rights, human responsibility, and freedom.  I hope that it helps to paint a clearer picture of the heart of Antioch and the people here.  Watch, and think about it.

Follow this link:
http://www.vimeo.com/13111212

I hope this message breaks your heart.  I mean that in the best way.  I feel that it is only when we are first broken that we can truly be made whole.  Ken reads the poem that Micah wrote at the end of this message, I felt my heart get caught in my throat, and my face grew hot and tears welled up in my eyes.  I wish I had let them flow.

Mt.13 / Graphics Design / Surf Trip.

Okay, so I’ve been writing and reading and working hard with message preparation for last night at Paradox.  After talking with Matt Smith, the missions pastor of Paradox and my mentor this summer, he told me that each lesson I teach at Paradox will follow the flow and story of what they’ve been working through so far.

Matt Smith

My guidelines were to follow a parable of Jesus, and how it connects with the kingdom.  I picked Mt. 13:33-34.  I’ll post my manuscript below.  Maybe I’ll scan my actual notes (after I print them, I write all over them to help me remember points that will move me along in thought as I speak).  There’s lines and arrows and underlining and circling and notes jotted in the margins.  There’s two parts right at the end that are large quotes from Rob Bell’s Velvet Elvis – a book I revisited this week after reading it 4 years ago, and I was surprised to borrow a lot of material from it – I was thinking about the text I would be teaching, and was thinking of teaching it in terms of the enormous expanse that the kingdom is, and when I started reading it, realized my thinking had been shaped in ways I hadn’t realized by the material he had written years ago, along with the teaching of Cornelius Plantinga Jr. in his book Engaging God’s World.  I’ll take the time to type out the quotes for you, because I’ve been so busy this week and haven’t posted in a while, so I hope this will make up for the lack of posts this week.  Anyway, here’s what God’s been teaching me:

______________________________________________________________________________

THINKING AND JOY. I’m a thinker.  I think a lot.  I love to think about things, I enjoy it.  I enjoy the little things I thought about before that end up showing up later.

And I think that sometimes joy can come not from just doing the “right” thing, but with understanding it, with thinking about it in a really beautiful way.

Tonight I hope to push and press how you think about this world, about your identity, about the kingdom of God – I want to journey through understanding the kingdom of God to be bigger than maybe you’ve ever thought it could be, and I hope that it can come crashing into your reality, into your life, into your unique story with joy and delight and real, deep, saturating satisfaction.

THEN & NOW. I grew up mostly in the church, and was taught the Bible and what it says – that basically God made everything perfect way back in the beginning and put two people in a place called Eden, they sinned and screwed everything up for us.  Then a bunch of years later – after a big flood, a bunch of wars, some pretty bad kings, and getting kicked out of their country – Israel’s back in Jerusalem and hasn’t heard anything from God in 400 years.  Then comes a Jew named Jesus, who says he’s God and attracts a pretty significant following.  Which didn’t go over well with the local religious leaders.  So before he turns 33, one of his followers stabs him in the back for a little cash from these leaders, and Jesus is crucified. There, he dies for our sins on a cross, then rises again and leaves his life and teachings to his disciples to spread everywhere.  Fast forward 2000 years, and here we are, waiting for his kingdom to come.

It’s a great story, and a real one.

But for me, if that’s all there is to it, and if there’s nothing more to be said or thought about than that, then its dissatisfying to me.  Jesus came, and Jesus is coming back with all the glory of his kingdom.  But I want to know, What about today?  What about this – this life, right here, right now?

QUESTIONS & OUR BROKEN WORLD. I think we all ask those questions.  I know there’s times in my life when I look around – and I see the dysfunction of my family or feel the deep, deep pain in my friend’s life.  There’s times when stories travel from halfway across the world to shatter my own world like glass – and I hear about young girls who are raped and abused by their brothers and fathers on a daily basis, I hear about a country so ravaged by civil war that there are more land mines than people’s feet, I sit and listen to a friend on a street curb cry over her second miscarriage, I realize this world is far from what it was ever meant to be.  I find myself looking for some comfort or distraction, something – anything – that might keep my mind off of that ugly, ugly truth.

This world is broken.  We are broken.  We can look like we have it all together, and life can produce the illusion that all things are exactly as they should be.

But there’s more here than being broken.

LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW. There’s this dichotomy, this split, this division between the IS and the OUGHT.  Our lives are all in this hallway where, at times, we have a feeling or a sense, or we can see, or we experience in some event a glimpse of what the OUGHT looks like.

They are windows.

These windows are events or conversations or even just a moment, where we look out of the IS and see the OUGHT, where we stand in this dark hallway, walk over to the window, wipe the dust away and press our noses to the glass and peer out into the OUGHT – into the world God had always designed for us, the world that he desires for us now – and we see it and we want it.  We want it so badly.

This hallway.  This IS – it can look great.

Until we find ourselves staring out these windows into this fantastic world, this world of wholeness and completeness we could have never dreamed but always knew we were meant for, of all things being exactly what they were always meant to be.  Our eyes have adjusted to a dim world.  But if we’ll step to the window-pane and look out long enough for our eyes to re-adjust, to really see again, we realize…

We are really only left with one reaction.

THE PARABLE. If you have your Bibles, turn with me to MATTHEW 13:33.

He told them still another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough.”

For those of you who don’t know, yeast is the thing that makes bread rise. It’s this fine powder you put in the dough mix that keeps bread from being a flat, bubble-less cracker.  And in the Bible, it’s almost unanimously used as a symbol for something negative, something evil, something that corrupts.  It’s used in the Bible to incite the same feeling we get when we think of a computer virus.  And here, it’s using the same imagery, but meant to deliver a different meaning.  This parable, this simile, is told by Jesus so that we can begin to understand the nature of the kingdom of God.

The kingdom of God is about restoration.  And it’s unstoppable.

The idea of yeast in the dough is really important.  It’s the whole point.  The kingdom of God permeates everything, it is involved with everything, it works through and through and through until it has had its full effect on the whole thing.

Let’s go back to the text – look at verse 34.

Jesus spoke all these things to the crowd in parables; he did not say anything to them without using a parable. So was fulfilled  what was spoken through the prophet: “I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter things hidden since the creation of the world.”

Here, Matthew’s calling us back to the beginning. When I think of the kingdom of God, I usually start with Jesus, with his ministry here on earth and him living out the gospel, teaching his disciples, doing miracles.  But Matthew – who we know is specifically writing to a Jewish audience – is calling their minds back to Genesis, back to the story of beginning, before all the bad kings and the wars, before the flood and the fall, back to Eden.  The kingdom was set in motion from the start.

EDEN AND PROGRESS.  Back in Genesis, we find God creating the world – but not just creating the world and looking at it, but creating it so that it embodies and mirrors and reflects who He is.  So God creates land, and then when he wants to make vegetation, he doesn’t create it himself, he says, “let the land produce vegetation” – he’s empowering creation!  We see it with the animals God has made – he tells the birds and fish to fill the skies and seas.  He doesn’t fill the skies and seas.  He has them fill the skies and seas.  He has filled creation with potential and the capacity for progress.  He teaches creation to create, just as He creates.

Then God creates people and tells them to care for it – this creation that’s made to reflect him and his creativity, to progress and increasingly bring him glory by being and operating in the way they were created to be.  Man now has this responsibility for the creation that God has named “good”.  So the first people were intimately connected to their environment, their purposes were inextricably unmistakably intertwined in a beautifully orchestrated masterpiece.

REALLY BIG REDEMPTION. This connectedness – this intertwining intimacy and interaction – is why redemption is so big.  Sometimes we think redemption is just about us.  Sometimes we think the cross is about our forgiveness, about getting back on good terms with God, about Jesus paying for our sins so we can be with him in heaven – and don’t get me wrong, it is!  It is about that, it’s about all those things.  But it is about so much more!  Take a look at Colossians 1:15-20:

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.  He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.  And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead so that in everything, he might have the supremacy.  For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

Jesus is about reconciling to himself all things.  All things!  There’s a figure of speech in the Bible called merism, where you name one extreme and then name the opposite extreme, and together they really mean everything in between.  It’s like when someone loses something and they say, ‘I searched that room floor to ceiling’ – they mean they looked everywhere.  Or if someone says ‘I’ve been working on this project from dawn to dusk’ – they mean they’ve been working on it not just in the morning or in the evening, but at all times in between.

Here Jesus isn’t interested in missing anything.  Jesus wants to reconcile to himself all things.  In Eden, when Adam and Eve ate the fruit, they were in relationship with their environment, they were part of a masterpiece, and when they sinned and stepped out of harmony with God, out of shalom, everything fell apart.  Everything swung into chaos.  Jesus is about restoring everything, making everything right.  In Eden, everything Adam did wrong, Jesus lived out the right way, so that he could reverse and rewind the curse.  Jesus wants to restore all things back into harmony with him, back into shalom.

This is the kingdom and it is now.

A little yeast works through the whole dough.

WHAT NOW? The kingdom of God is about being involved in the movement of Jesus.  He’s taking old things and Jesus says, “See – I am making SOME things new?”  “I am making JUST MANKIND new?”  Jesus says, “See – I am making ALL THINGS new.”

Jesus is bringing heaven to earth.

Jesus is bringing the kingdom here.

Now.

Today.

Do you want to be a part of it?

In his book, Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell says this:

Jesus wants his followers to bring heaven, not hell, to earth.  This has been God’s intention for people since the beginning.  Jesus is not teaching anything new for his day.  God walked in the garden, looking for Adam and Eve.  God told the Israelites to build a tabernacle so he could live in their midst.  King Solomon built a temple, God’s house, so God could live permanently among his people.  And when Jesus comes, he’s referred to as God “taking on flesh and dwelling among us.”  Another translation of this verse is, “The word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood.”

The entire movement of the Bible is of a God who wants to be here, with his people.  The church is described later as being the temple of God.  And how does the Bible end?  With God “coming down” and taking up residence here on earth.

True spirituality then is not about escaping this world to some other place where we will be forever.  A Christian is not someone who expects to spend forever in heaven there.  A Christian is someone who anticipates spending forever here, in a new heaven that comes to earth.

The goal isn’t escaping this world but making this world the kind of place God can come to.  And God is remaking us into the kind of people who can do this kind of work.  (Velvet Elvis | 149-150).

T’SHUVA.

The kingdom is here.  The kingdom is now, it is present every day, will we open our eyes to it?  Will we participate in the movement of Jesus?  Are we in the business of restoring and renewing and reconciling all things?  What would that look like?  What does it look like to bring heaven here?  What does it look like for the kingdom to work its way through the whole batch of dough?

I want to leave you with this:

The remaking of this world is why Jesus’ first messages began with “T’shuva, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”

The Hebrew word t’shuva means “to return.”  Return to the people we were originally created to be.  The people God is remaking us into.

God makes us in his image.  We reflect the beauty and creativity and wonder of the God who made us.  And Jesus calls us to return to our true selves.  The pure, whole people God originally intended us to be, before we veered off course.

Somewhere in you is the you whom you were made to be.

We need you to be you.

We don’t need a second anybody.  We need the first you.

The problem is that the image of God is deeply scarred in each of us, and we lose trust in God’s version of our story.  It seems too good to be true.  And so we go searching for identity.  We achieve and we push and we perform and we shop and we work out and we accomplish great things, longing to repair the image.  Longing to find an identity that feels right.

Longing to be comfortable in our own skin.

But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else.  It is right here.  And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust.  Trust that God is already putting us back together.

Trust that through dying to the old, the new can give birth.

Trust that Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image.

It is trusting that I am loved.  That I always have been.  That I always will be.  I don’t have to do anything.  I don’t have to prove anything or achieve anything or accomplish one more thing.  That exactly as I am, I am totally accepted, forgiven, and there is nothing I could ever do to lose this acceptance.

God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you.  There are no accidents.  We need you to embrace your true identity, who you are in Christ, letting this new awareness transform your life.

That is what Jesus had in mind.

That is what brings heaven to earth.  (Velvet Elvis | 150-151).

Be who you were made to be.  Ask someone who knows you well – a really good friend or a family member and ask them the one or two things you are great at.  Who is it that you were made to be?  What is it you were uniquely crafted to do?  When we discover this, we are in process of restoring the image of God in us, restoring our first nature, our deepest purpose.  We open the windows of this hallway out into the OUGHT and pull it into the IS.  We take hold of it and allow it to renew us and restore us and reconcile us, and then we become the renewal and restoration and reconciliation of all other things.  Be who you were made to be.  Bring heaven to earth. Bring the kingdom here.

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In addition to message preparation and delivery, I’ve been working on graphics and media to be used for Paradox on Friday nights.  I’m designing three different cards that will be available to people coming to Paradox: a connection card, a card telling people what we’re about and who we are, and a card that has our calendar and events on it.  Here’s the first card, FRONT then BACK:

Contact Card (FRONT)

Contact Card (BACK)

In total, this card took 8 hours.

Last week, some of the interns went on a surf trip to the Oregon coast with the Antioch leaders.  It started off as a really rainy, cold day.  We walked all of our gear and stuff over to the shoreline and we were soaked with rain and mist and the wind was blowing, clouds were rolling over our heads, blocking the sun.  It looked bleak.  I was still really stoked about surfing, but I knew it wouldn’t be as fun without great weather.  And then, out of nowhere, the sun started to shine through, the temperature rose, and it turned into a beautiful day of relaxation and soaking in the beauty of creation.  We enjoyed one another’s company, and had a great day.  Here’s some photos:

First time I saw the Pacific Ocean.

The beach was a cove, where waves would come in to a roundabout, and was perfect for beginner surfers to practice catching some waves.

One of our intern friends spending some quiet quality time with God, just before he shared some of his heart and participated in communion together there on the beach.

I'd love to live by the ocean. Surfing is so much fun, and the coast is beautiful.

Antioch leaders and interns had a small fire and made food for lunch and dinner on the beach. Everyone had a great time, and as the sun began to sink, we grabbed our coats.

We stopped before leaving the beach to take some pictures of the beautiful view. It was breathtaking.

Rocks like these jut out of the water where we were surfing. There was a giant rock that was in the film "The Goonies" and we got to see that, too.

Here's some of the other interns enjoying the view - (from left to right) - Matt Albecete, Cole Timm, Liz Hild, Marianne Bach, and Becca Batten.

The sun set, and it was glorious.

Parable.

This Friday I will be teaching at Paradox on the parable Jesus told in Matthew 13:33.  It’s my first time teaching here.  This is the first of seven occasions when I will be teaching.  I’ll be posting the manuscript as soon as I’m finished.  Today’s been a long day of focus, diligence, and study on the passage, its context, and its implications on our lives.  I’m very, very excited about God’s Word and the hugeness of what He is teaching in this text.  I am nervous about speaking, mostly because I’m generally uncomfortable with formal speech and structure.  I much prefer dialogue, conversation, and discussion.  Again, the manuscript will be posted here in its entirety on Friday.  Stay tuned!

The Fifteenth of June.

I wish that I could introduce you to Antioch and the interns.  We have some pretty incredible people here.  Maybe I’ll start a summer-long project of interviewing some of the interns and staff so that you can get to know them.  That would be a great idea.  As long as I have time.  I’m pretty pressed for time.

Lately my project has been web design for the Paradox website.  The colors are great, but not attention-grabbing.  So there’s a lot of color configuration, Photoshop and Adobe Illustrator files swimming back and forth between my computer, the church’s media/graphics computer, and email.  I’d take pictures, but they wouldn’t be that exciting.  The web design isn’t a huge project, but it is time-consuming and requires a great deal of detail.  I’ll be working with another intern or two to finish up the project, and run it by my ministry focus leader, Matt Smith.

Our host family has been great – we’re putting on an Intern Host Family Appreciation Banquet for all the families with whom we are staying.  They’ve been awesome.  Our host parents just finished The Dirty Half, a half-marathon they’ve been training for.  They finished in 2hr.1min.  We were really proud.  Jake – the oldest of the boys – is learning how to solve a Rubix cube and is getting better and better at it, and as often as I am home, he’s asking what to do next.  He and his brother Travis were working hard yesterday weeding the planters and garden.  After some encouragement to wipe their not-so-enthusiastic frowns off their faces, and after a few more hours of weeding, we rewarded their hard work with a trip to the local pool.  It was freezing when we walked back.

It’s been a brisky 50-60 degrees for the most part here in Bend, which I think is unacceptable for mid-June weather.  It should be hotter.  I wake up cold.  I’m not complaining; it’s just unusual.

Anyhow, this Saturday the interns are putting on a fundraiser to raise support for us to participate in Family Camp with Antioch.  Mostly, we would be helping while there, but we are raising support via car washes in two locations in order to pay for the expense it is to have us go.  To make it more fun, it has been declared a competition between the two intern teams, which, for competitive-natured people, is incentive enough.

This week, and through next week I will also be working on message preparation for Paradox on June 25th, after which we will have a community “Night Flight” (glow-in-the-dark frisbee football).  Pray for all of this, if you could.  For message guidelines, I am to choose a parable of Jesus and tie its message into the idea of the kingdom of God and what it means to be a kingdom citizen.  I’ve just started, and will be posting progress in order to include you all in the verbal (written) process.  I will be speaking/teaching at Paradox again on July 16th and August 6th.  I have yet to set dates for the other four times I will be speaking/teaching this summer.  As for this Friday, though, I am helping to lead worship at Paradox.

The first week of July, I will be working to put together a worship packet for the interns.  We will be spending July 8th in meditative solitude, spending time learning to hear the voice of God, to rest in him, to bring even the thinnest threads of our lives and lay them at his feet in prayer, and just take the time to focus fully and wholeheartedly on him.  I will be creating a series of stages each intern can journey through in a Christ-centered process of worshipping God holistically – in cognition, affect, and behavior.  It will be a week or so process of preparing the heart in the days prior to solitude, amplifying our sensitivity to the movement of God throughout solitude, and reflecting internally and externally after solitude.  In every way, I want to work to the best of my ability to help create that environment and atmosphere of the soul most receptive to what God would have us learning.  I pray and hope that he would teach each of us powerfully and that we would embrace – be it ever so pleasurable or painful – him and all that he gives.

Please continue to pray as you have been praying for me, for Antioch, and for Bend!  Thank you all.

Thy Kingdom Come.

Paradox is a ministry to college students and young adults in Bend, Oregon as an offshoot of Antioch Church.  We meet at The Kilns – a bookstore/cafe focused on social justice issues and Christian worldview formation.

Here’s what’s up with Paradox.

par·a·dox [par-uh-doks] - noun.
1.  a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.

Those of us who have been “churched” throughout our lives have seen the tendency of American Christianity to polarize ideas and beliefs about what it means to follow Christ, placing in opposition to one another concepts that are not meant to conflict, though they appear to do so.  For example: God’s sovereignty vs. man’s free will; law vs. grace; God’s transcendence vs. God’s immanence; God’s immanent return vs. our expectation, etc.  The truth, however, can be misconstrued when we hold so tightly to human understanding that we swing like pendulums to one extreme or the other, possibly demonizing the opposite camp in the process.  It is important to understand that God works through paradox: ideas and doctrines that may seem to oppose one another may, in fact, only point out that we must hold these ideas in tension, accepting that we cannot always categorize and understand everything.  Biblical paradox is his instrument for humbling our haughty minds.  It is scary to think about something that is greater than our understanding – those things we simply cannot condense into a neat and tidy package to wrap our heads around.  Some things refuse to be boxed in.

God refuses to be boxed in.

And so to those who have grown up in the church, Paradox aims to teach and provide an environment in which we may wrestle through difficult ideas, embracing the fact that we will not know everything while still seeking to understand as much as is possible.

Bend is hardly a “churched” town, known for its plurality and counter-conservative ideas.  And so Paradox is largely a place for these people to come and learn about Jesus apart from their “churchy” expectations.  At Paradox, we acknowledge that the world – society and mankind and all of creation – is not presently as it was created to be.  The created order has been ravaged and raped by sin and fallen nature, and not just man – nature suffers too.  Jesus Christ declares himself to be Lord over all.  Colossians 1 says of Jesus:

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.  He is before all things, and in him  all things hold together.  And he is the head of the body, the church: he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.  For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile himself to all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

The common misconception is that Christ died to reconcile himself to us.  Period.  The end.  But if we only affirmed that, we would be missing an enormously beautiful part of his mission: to reconcile and redeem all things. If this is true, then it demands a radical worldview change.  It means God has everything to do with everything.  Everything we once might have considered to be meaningless or irrelevant has a purpose and relevance that we never could have imagined.  Is it too much of a stretch to ask what God has to do with the coffee in your mug, or the bricks in the walls your home, or the shirt on your back?  What does God have to do with it?

If God really does want to reconcile all things to himself, then nothing is irrelevant.  He has everything to do with everything.  He has everything to do with that Starbucks Americano you’re buying.  Because frankly, some coffee is bought and traded using slave labor and unjust wages.  And Jesus isn’t about slave labor.  And he isn’t about underhanded dealing.  He isn’t about neglecting human rights, because he values people enough to come and to die for them.  He isn’t about destroying our world with over-industrialization, because he values nature enough to inspire Paul, the writer of Colossians, to communicate Jesus’ care for all things.

All parts of culture, in every culture, in some way is a reflection of the values of God, whether those values are slightly or severely distorted.  It is the joy and responsibility of the believer to be agents of redemption in this world; I believe in the priesthood of every believer (1 Peter 2:9).  Priests, in the Old Testament, were the ambassadors between God and the people of God.  Now we are priests, through our great High Priest, Jesus, and we are ambassadors between God and the rest of the world – all of the world, whether man or nature, spiritual or material things, in heaven or on earth.  The people of Bend care tremendously about social justice issues and fair trade and human rights.  Our love for Christ and our love for his lordship over everything compels us to seek out the redemption of all things in his name, including social justice and fair trade and human rights.  Bend is a town full of people who – in ways the church has failed to do – love many things that God loves, except for the wrong reasons.  There is a Christ-centered way of thinking about and participating in social justice, in fair trade, and in human rights.

Paradox exists to expose Jesus’ heart at the core of each of these things.  Because his heart is there, ours should be, too.

Call it a stretch.  Call it environmentalism or social justice or “crazy wacko liberal agenda.”  Call it whatever you like, but maybe Jesus’ reign reaches farther than we give him credit for.  Maybe it’s nothing short of holistic redemption.  There is a way to hold these values in tension with the values of Christ; there is a Christ-centered way to think about and do everything.  It is the church – in Bend or elsewhere – who must bear the image of Christ and exemplify what that looks like.  It should look like the kingdom of God here on earth.

Paradox should look like the kingdom of God here on earth.

Jesus, thy kingdom come.  And may we seek out opportunities to be a part of your work here.  We want to value you, and all the things you value – in that order.  Come and renew our minds, conform us to your image, transform us into Christ-like priests and culture-redeeming agents here in Bend and anywhere we identify ourselves with your Son’s name and mission.  We love you.  Amen.

Paradox / The Kilns

The Kilns - promoting The Justice Conference in February

The Kilns is a bookstore and coffeeshop, and is where we hold Paradox on Friday nights.

It is actually in a garage - there's a garage door you can walk through to get into the bookstore.