Enter New Phase.

Yesterday was my first day as an RA back at Moody (RA stands for Resident Assistant). Been busy the past two weeks with RA training and preparation for new and returning students, leadership meetings, conflict resolution programs, etc. It will be fun and challenging to be the RA of a new floor. I’m looking forward to this new phase of my life.

This summer has been great. I would be overstating if I said it was phenomenal, but it was far better than any other summer I’ve had. I think. Here’s my review (I’ll indent it to make it look more official):

Antioch church has some really amazing qualities to it. The staff and leadership have expressed great interest in exploring, examining, exposing, and encouraging the divine design inherent in each of us as bearers of the image of God. That is a great goal to strive toward, since it makes God supremely valuable in valuing and trusting the purpose of his created design. I’ve always thought this to be idealistic, but it’s been so good to see it actually in practice. It will be great to see how this continues to play itself out as the church grows.

The internship is both fun and hard work, and the church is young, so there is lots to do. If you aren’t doing anything, just ask, and you’ll have plenty to work on. Meetings are short and sweet: this is awesome. For everyone. I don’t know if anyone really likes meetings, and so when we are able to maximize our time by sticking to the allotted time frame and meeting schedule. Things moved quickly. Meeting times and events were communicated clearly and continued to be communicated clearly throughout the course of the internship.

Mentorship was great. I had Matt Smith as my mentor. He has been heavily involved with an organization called World Relief NEXT and in addition to pastoring at Paradox, was also leading the Solitude internship for those interns as well. Matt’s been a great guy to bounce ideas off of and it’s been rich to hear his heart and take in his teaching. We went through the book In The Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen – the same author he used when mentoring the Solitude interns (a book ironically called Reaching Out). I’ve greatly enjoyed our time together and enjoyed learning from him, beginning to understand the value of slowing down and being still and being alone with the God of the universe. I catch myself sometimes in groups of students or other RA’s actually just wanting to leave and get away and be alone. It’s relaxing. It’s refreshing.

The other interns were all fantastic. At first, there was a complaint that a lot of the Moody students tended to hang out with each other for the most part. This tendency is normal. But I think it broke down soon after that, and we all meshed pretty well with everyone. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them all, working with them, hearing what they’ve been doing this summer, and spending time hiking or climbing or swimming with them all. As much as this summer’s been a great solitude experience, it’s been a great relational one as well.

The teaching and worship on Sunday mornings are great as well. Ken is a thorough thinker and carries his audience’s attention well. He allows them to follow his train of thought, and rarely loses them. He isn’t expositional and doesn’t necessarily speak straight from Scripture, but he does give a great deal of Scripture-informed thought. It is interesting and engaging to think through and beyond what Scripture says to what it means for us in our lives and in the lives of other believers throughout Christianity. I value many of the things he’s said over this summer, and have appreciated the opportunity to listen to his heart.

A potential hazard I foresee (and perhaps the only hazard, and maybe hazard is too strong a word) that would be wisely avoided would a path toward a somewhat-elitist value system. This summer I was stoked and excited for this internship largely because I was looking forward to a staff that would not only pour into me, but get to know me well enough to know what my natural strengths and weaknesses are, and how to make the most of those. Now I am good at a good number of things, but what am I great at? Am I great at anything? Some of the interns were specifically sought out and asked and encouraged again and again to come back to Antioch. They were extremely talented individuals. Others wanted to come back and offered, and were gladly accepted, but only a few were sought out. It’s been my journey over the last several weeks to cultivate in my own heart a readiness to celebrate the blessings that fall into the hands of others as if they had fallen into my own. It is good to do this. I don’t want jealousy to arise in me. I want to celebrate with them that something truly good has happened to them and they have found a place where their gifts and abilities are recognized, valued, encouraged, and challenged. And it is an unbelievably unrealistic expectation to think that everyone belongs there. But it would serve them well, and serve the body well, to see a staff or individual who intentionally seeks to draw out of people talents that don’t shine as brilliantly, and to value them just as much. There are fantastic individuals who have beautiful talents and abilities who have no idea they have them, or have had no one who has recognized those in them. And so naturally, they don’t make the best of those talents.

Maybe it’s just my heart to seek out the margins in every group of people, but I hope in the future to see not a wider or broader investment in interns, but a deeper investment. Not more interns, but maybe fewer. I love Antioch, and I love everyone there. They are awesome and perhaps one of the closest body of believers to what I hope will be the church I work with or attend for much of my life. And so, as with anything and everything, change is progress, and I hope that both change and progress continue to be a part of the growth process of Antioch church and its internship program. Corporations and organizations and churches – as with any system – are brutally attacked and criticized by so many, and I pray my voice would not be counted among them. Instead, I hope it would be an encouraging, sanctifying, empowering and trustworthy assessment that can be used for the growth and beauty of the body of Christ.

More to come on thinking over the summer, thank-you’s, and other great ways all of you can continue to journey with me throughout this semester and this year if you so desire.

Here We Go.

This week is going to be packed full.  This past week we had designated time set for spending in solitude, and over the past few weeks I’ve been working to chisel out that time for me to simply be, and to listen to God.  It’s not easy.  As a group of interns, we gathered and then split off for a few hours to spend in solitude.  To pray.  But mostly to listen.  I often feel like my prayer life looks like me dumping a bunch of cares and requests at God’s feet, yapping away, then turning for just long enough to say, “Well, see ya!” until next time I need to just throw something at him to take care of because I don’t care about it.

We pray. But it isn’t a conversation.

It’s a monopoly.

When was the last time I practiced solitude or silence?

It took the better part of three hours for me to clear my head enough to actually just begin to start listening.  There were songs, quotes, parts of books and things people had said, items on my to-do list I needed to be checking off – all swimming through my head.  Three hours.  And I only really began to listen.  It wasn’t because I didn’t try to listen the whole time.  I did.  It’s just that we are constantly under a barrage of noise – audible or inaudible.  It takes considerable time to find true quiet.  And when you do take that time in life, people think something’s wrong with you for wanting to be alone.  Forget what they think.  Be still.

This coming Friday, I will be speaking at Paradox again, and I’ll be teaching out of Matthew 13 again – verse 44.  I’m extremely excited (and yes, that’s the appropriate emotion) to be diving into God’s Word there this week, over and over and over again.  This passage is rich (pun intended).  As with before, I will be posting the manuscript post-delivery.  And I hope that this time I can accompany it with an audio recording.  I had recorded the last one, but something happened to the microphone as I was speaking that would cause a loud and irritating POP! and crackle. Like the cereal.

I really want to write more about what I’ll be speaking about, because I’m excited, but it would divert the energy I need to write it out for the actual preparation.  Sometimes to express what is being felt so deeply in your heart is not a good thing.  It is to be felt, not expressed.  Right now is the time I need to be feeling this.  To allow it to fill my heart till it’s spilling all over.  To express it right now would be like putting a small hole in the bottom of a cup I want to be filled.

On another note, I am still working on the contact cards – I’ve been waiting for an email with a Photoshop file so that I can finish and print off the one I’ve completed, and begin designing the next two.  My hope is to have them printed off for Friday.  That would be ideal, though I don’t know if I’ll have the time.  God, make me efficient in my work this week!

On still another note, it’s been good to spend time with and connect with some of the people here who aren’t interns.  With so many interns, it can be difficult to feel the need to branch out and spend time with – yes – people from Bend.  And so it is a conscious effort to take as many opportunities as possible to connect with them, and not necessarily interns.  Ministry is present between interns as well – spending time with one another, gaining trust and encouraging each other, eating lunch and talking and grabbing coffee and hearing the prayer requests and cares of each other is all part of ministry.  And it’s something I enjoy.  But I want to be intentional about reaching out.

In fact, this past week we had a scheduled day to spend with our leaders and other interns while hiking or kayaking, etc.  I chose hiking with Kevin.  He was our leader.  We had a great time – just a bunch of guys on a hike, wandering through the woods.  One of the fondest memories I have of my dad is walking (it felt to me like hiking through a jungle) to some train tracks by our house we lived in up until I was five or so.  Those memories are so free of care or concern or stress.  I needed that this past week.  Still, I would like to spend more time alone with God, even apart from a few people.  Up until this point in my life I haven’t spent significant amounts of time alone with God.  I want more than a daily devo.  I want more than a few minutes here or there in the Word.  I feel like I want to be alone for hours and hours with him.  But I don’t know for sure, because I haven’t had the opportunity to experience that.  Please pray that I will make that time.  It won’t happen on its own.  It just won’t.  Our lives prove that.

Anyway, here’s some pictures of the hike to Paulina Peak.

The beautiful mountains that can be seen from anywhere in Bend, but especially atop Paulina Peak.

Amazing people to share this experience with. From left to right: Jerell Carper, Paul Crouse, Will Kellar, and Isaac Hawkins.

I hope that you can worship with this photo as much as I could taking it.

There's something about feeling the power and pressure of thousands of gallons of water rushing off the edge of a cliff onto your back that makes you feel very small indeed.

A volcano that erupted and let loose a flow of rock called obsidian. It's black as a raven and sharp as glass. It even sounds like shattered glass when you step on it.

Spending time just absorbing the enormous landscape. There were huge snow-capped mountains to the front, two lakes green with algae and blue in depth against a forest of pine and juniper, and a huge lava flow to our right. Again, there's something about nature that can make you feel small. I think it's when we spend our lives indoors and looking down at all the things smaller than us that we begin to cultivate a very secret, almost invisible pride that doesn't allow us to see how small we really are.

More waterfalls. Isn't it beautiful?

SUMMER, BOOKS, AND A BABY!

Today is Monday – first day that I feel like I should be in classes, but am not.  Sort of.

I arrived at the apartment of a friend, Nick Gerig, who is housing me until I leave for Oregon, which is really generous of him.  Today, I’m off to get some contact solution after I realized that the bottle I had wasn’t filled with solution at all, but water.  I had used an old contact solution bottle to fill my iron at school, and forgot that it was water.  My eyes weren’t so happy to discover this.  Also, heading out to Walgreens to get some food for the next two weeks.

The apartment is a good five miles from downtown (keep in mind I have no means of travel) so it gives me time and space to work ahead.  I have books that need to be read for RA training in the fall, books that need to be read for my Youth Ministry Major, lesson plans, Bible studies, exegesis that needs to be done.  Hopefully I can get some of it done a little ahead of time.  That would be great.  That’s why I say “sort of.”

Last night was youth group at Winnetka Bible Church.  It’s sad thinking about how some of the students are seniors and won’t be coming back in the fall.  Next Sunday night is my last night until fall that I’ll be with them.  I’m praying for them and trusting that God will be with them as they transition out of high school into college, wherever that may be.  I hope they keep in touch.  I want to be intentional about keeping in touch with them.

On another note, a huge congratulations to the youth pastor and his wife, Ben & Audi – they just had their first baby!  His name is Atticus Cai Willey, born May 15 at 9:12AM.  Got to see him yesterday; he’s a stud.  Congrats to the new mom and dad!

Congrats to you, Ben and Audi!  Here’s the story: www.addenduming.blogspot.com

In closing, please continue to pray for this internship – I’m really excited, but I also know that with every change of pace, environment, group of people comes a new set of challenges.  Pray that I’m faithful to learning, that I am constantly – almost involuntarily – thinking what is Jesus teaching me here and now? I’m going to take the train down to the library later to print & send more support letters.  The train costs so much now without the U-Pass!  Need to keep my travels to a bare minimum while I’m here, or find a bicycle that I can borrow.  With that, have a wonderful day!

HOST FAMILY.

Just got an email from Brandon and Erin at Antioch letting all the interns know that each of us has been paired with a host family that we’ll be staying with throughout the summer.  This is really cool.  I think that this kind hospitality and generosity is so important, and we are all so grateful!  It’s amazing.  So thank you, host family!

I should be receiving a call or email from the family at any time.  I’m looking forward to hearing from them and getting to know them this summer.  I think they’ve got to be some pretty awesome folk to open their home to a college student or two for a whole summer – that’s a big deal!  Throughout my time in Oregon, I want to demonstrate to my host family and other host families, as well as Antioch Church as a whole, that we love them and are more than blessed to serve alongside them.  I’m looking forward to helping out in any way they need: from painting a house to scrubbing dishes.

I am an intern at Antioch to serve – to join with another part of the body of Christ, his glorious bride, and to learn how I can best be poured out on behalf of them.  This is what it means to be part of the church, part of the body.  Service is not a bunch of ceremonies or meaningless movements performed once a week, but an ongoing, sacrificial, love-filled desire to build up the object of God’s love.  God delights in his bride.  How could I not enjoy that which God finds joy in?  And so I will serve in joy.  Antioch has already eagerly served us by planning and providing 24 internships for 24 interns, host families to house us, prayer support and encouragement, and one-on-one mentorships each of us will have throughout the summer.  We will not only be pouring ourselves out; we will be constantly being filled.

Once again, thank you for being a part of serving me and my needs, for allowing God to provide through you and your resources to build up the body of Christ.  Thank you for your prayers; continue to pray!  Pray for my host family, that God would really bless them for their over-the-top hospitality.  Pray for me, that I would be effective and creative in how I can serve them this summer.  Pray that God would continue to provide financial support this summer – I can’t do it without his provision and without people like you supporting me.  Pray that I would be a learner, that I would not think that I have more to offer than I do.  Pray for compassion and humility.    Pray also for Bend, Oregon – that we would collectively, as a church, be ready and willing and able to reach out and meet people where they are, not where we think they should be.  Pray that we would show our love for them completely and fully, that we would be filled and encouraged, and that we would never tire of doing the work of the gospel: it is love and it is hope and it is redemption.  It is Jesus.